Dear all,
I had two friends visit me this weekend past. It was both a long and
short weekend. When I say it was long I mean it in the physical sense, they arrived Friday and left Tuesday and when I say it was short I mean it in
the mental sense, it felt as if they had only just sat down on my terrace and
cracked open the first beer before they were off for the airport again. As per
all great times, they fly by and are over before you know it. It was great seeing
them as I hadn’t seen any of my friends since back around Easter time then another
three month before that. The next time I will see my friends is when I arrive
back home for Xmas.
If you follow me on
Twitter you would have seen the photo of my fridge that I had filled to
capacity with beer. I got a bit over-excited. There were ninety cans and by the
time they left there were 20 and if you consider we spent every evening out you
can understand why I am feeling slightly under par as I write this. I’m still
in recovery mode. It wasn’t all debauchery of course; in fact, it was extremely
well behaved excessive drinking. We had a lot to catch up on and it wasn’t just
about hitting the bars. We visited the towns around us and I showed them as
much of the area and the sights as was possible over a weekend.
Seeking inspiration? ... or a bar that is still open? |
Now I realise this
isn’t a diary and you have no desire to listen to me talk about how much fun it
is to reminisce with friends while inadvertently promoting irresponsible levels
of alcohol intake so what I thought I would write about today is one of
the little things that I was reminded of during the weekend. A lot of the
people I have met here (I am living in Spain this year) have asked me the same
thing and so when my friends asked me as well it reminded me I should blog
about it.
Am I writing about Spain?
The answer is no, I’m not, and I’m not really worried about starting
either. I may be making a mistake and I may come to regret it but I currently
feel very positive about what I have achieved this year in relation to my
expectations. A lot of the reasons I came here were not related to writing, it
was more a search for personal fulfillment and that terribly sounding mystical
word, ‘healing’ which I hate using in this context because of the overly
spiritualistic/religious overtones to it but I guess I have to admit that I do
mean it this time. I wanted to think about my life and focus on what I will be
aiming for in the future. Although I have a few months to go yet I actually
feel I have done this. I feel great and practically a different person compared
to the state of me this time last year. I feel very positive in general so I’m
not worried that I may come to think back on this period and wish I had worked
(wrote) harder because as of right now, I feel I worked as hard as I could and
took the time I needed to relax, think and prepare for a new stage in my life. That
was my number one priority coming out here and I’m not going to beat myself up
for not spending more of my time writing. I have my whole life to do that
(which is one of the things I have become certain of while here and it’s a
fantastically happy feeling).
However, I cannot
pretend that I didn’t have some writing goals. I did. I wanted to get a good
way into some short stories and my first novel. I’ll update you where I am on
those another time. What I didn’t have coming out here was any intention on
writing a ‘Spanish’ story or indeed looking for inspiration of any kind. Let me
explain.
I have had a lot of
ideas since I started making notes in my teens and as I have blogged about
before it was only a few years ago I committed to making a go of it and
actually writing properly with an aim to publishing. After going through all of
my notes I found myself sitting next to a pile of ‘possibles’ and I really
needed to start writing in order to know if the ideas were any good and could
become something. Since then I have committed myself to some of those ideas (and
binned several handfuls…) and I have an absolute tonne of work to do in order
to finish them all. What I haven’t done for a good year or more is to simply
sit down and think up new ideas. The stories I am working on often generate new
ideas as I’m progressing but that is not the same as letting your mind free and
trying to conjure up something from nothing.
When it comes to making-notes, I used to
love going out on a walk or a bus ride or a train journey, my pen and notebook
to hand, and simply jotting down whatever came to mind. There was no particular
intention other than to come up with something interesting. I could be listening
to people around me, I could be people watching people from the other side of
the street (in a non perverted way please! And believe me sometimes I do worry
about that, perhaps I should blog about this another time, the process of
people-watching), I could just be closing my eyes in the park and seeing what
pops into my mind or staring into the clouds and seeing what forms. You never
know what may end up on the notebook come the end of the day.
So the question is, why when I have all this open air, beautiful
countryside, sea, sand, mountains, hills, beaches and new towns and cities to
explore, am I not writing down every single thing I do and see?
That for a second makes me uncomfortable. I am now panicking seeing
those words and thinking, ROB! What have you done, all those places you have
been to, all those festivals and fiestas, those people you have met, those
restaurants and bars, those historical sites, etc. etc. Why didn’t I make
notes?
The truth of the matter is I didn’t come here for that. I came here
to enjoy myself and allow myself to experience all these things for the pure
joy of it. I had no motivation to go only because I could write about it. That
never came into my mind. I wanted to write but I wanted to finish what I had
already got stored up. I didn’t want to start anything new because that is not
where my head is.
However, saying all that. I have blogged while I have been here, I
have taken lots of photos (I have put some up on Flickr but I will put most up
when I am back and perhaps create a new Pinterest board too, so please do
follow me on those sites if you want) so I have some memories recorded…but for
the main part everything is just in my head. All of the lessons I have taken
with my friends Jose and Gabi, all of the walks I have taken, all of the
football games I have watched, all of the bars I have tried out, the times I
have been swimming, the times I have been to the gym, the times I have been
running…all of the moments that have made up this year haven’t been lost.
I honestly felt that my time here was not about inspiration, it was
about putting the hours in to get some work finished. I wanted to sit at my
desk and write. I didn’t feel I was searching for a topic, a theme, an idea…I
had work to do and I wanted to get on with it.
I know memories are not that reliable. I realise that if I wait
thirty years then my time here would have faded and some of the more subtle
moments would be forgotten, but that’s okay. I intend on writing a round up
essay in December when I get back on my time here. I will see if I can evaluate
my year. That will be enough for me.
The thing about making notes is the immediacy of it. You see an
eccentric character you jot down there and then the reasons why they are
eccentric. You can make notes of specific shades or tones of colours rather
than just ‘blue’ or ‘red’, etc. and you can detail clothes more accurately than
if you think back hours or days later. You can record the small things like the
particular type of glasses other than just writing, ‘they had glasses,’ really
get the detail and the information that makes it realistic in the re-telling. You
can record speech and not rely on having to try and recreate the ‘gist’ of it
later.
I like to think that one day I will write a story based upon my experiences
here but at the moment I have no idea what form it will take and how I will
approach it. I’m not ready for it yet. I like to think that in several years
time I may speak a conversational level of Spanish so perhaps that will make my
writing better, perhaps I should wait for then at the minimum? I don’t feel I should attempt a story based
solely on the fact I am at a certain place therefore I should write about it. I
would want to do my time here justice and I feel I need to be a better more
experienced writer before attempting it.
There is no doubt that I have been inspired. I don’t want to make
out my year has been dull and I’ve just sat indoors writing on the laptop all
day. Far from it, I have loved experiencing new things and I have taken a lot
from it. Believe me, my friends are
going to be sick of the sound of me going on about all the things I have seen
and done. I think that just by being around different people and engaging fully
with their way of life that you cannot help but be inspired to learn, to adapt,
to interact and to work harder in life. The concept of going abroad and only
speaking to fellow English people or only eating English foods (and by English
of course I mean Indian…the curry houses of South East London better be
prepared for me when I get back, I honestly don’t know who I want to see first
when I return, my mother, or The Star of India?) or of only going to the
‘British’ pub was never my intention. If being immersed into a culture means by
definition you are inspired by it then by all means, I have been inspired. I
like to think I will take some Spanish culture back home with me and it will
stay with me for life (plenty of mañana-mañana jokes there I know but I’ll save
that for another time) and should that one day turn out to be that I will write
a novel set in Spain then fantastic, I look forward to it. It’s just that I
don’t feel ready for it yet. That’s not to say while I am writing I may think
up some ideas that could come in very handy, a Spanish character here and
there, Spanish food, Spanish music, Spanish traditions and so on, I’m sure
there will be occasion to put those in, but writing a ‘Spanish’ book is very
different.
So I guess this blog is me trying to justify how I could possibly
spend a year in another country, call myself a writer in the making, and not
feel compelled to write about my experiences. If you are a writer and reading
this, I’m sure you may go on holiday for just a week somewhere and be telling
yourself the entire time how wonderful it would be as a setting, what a
character the hotel owner would make for a protagonist, and so on, but it
hasn’t worked like that for me. I have had a fantastic time and I have got a
lot out of it but I haven’t been inspired in that same sense. It is a much
longer term project for me, I had so many things I wanted to get from this trip
and I feel I have nearly got them. I feel fulfilled and happy and I also feel
very proud of the work I have done on my existing to-do list and my own
personal state of being.
It’s a bit of a shorter blog this time (did I mention my two day
hangover?) but one I wanted to write while the question was still ringing around
in my mind. After all, it is a perfectly natural thing to think. If a friend of
mine was a writer, novice or otherwise, and they travelled to another part of
the world on their own I would immediately think of the impact on their writing
and if it were a quest for inspiration but in my case I hope you forgive me for
saying I was perfectly happy to take a year: and just chill the hell out! I may
not have made the most of it in terms of what was possible, but in terms of
what I was after, what I hoped for, I cannot complain. I don’t regret it for a
second and I genuinely feel it has changed my life for the better. I’m sure
somewhere, somehow and someday it will reflect in my writing.
Take care,
***
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