Dear
all,
Here
comes 2015! It feels a little odd for me because I have come back to London just
before Christmas so I have missed all the normal build up that comes with the
festive period. For me, that normally starts in November with Fireworks/Bonfire
night. Then that leads into my birthday a couple of weeks later and before you
know it I’m inviting myself to as many friends work Christmas parties (that
have a free bar) as I can. As I sit here typing, Christmas day is only a day
away. I haven’t sent any cards, or had the opportunity to catch up with as many
people as I would have liked, but that’s fine, plenty of time in the New Year.
So,
continuing from the first half of this blog post that looked back at my year in
Spain, I’ll be looking forward instead. Now that I am back: What the hell am I
going to do?
 |
| "When will I see you again? When will we share special moments?" |
London life
If
you will indulge me let me give you a quick insight into my first few days
back. I am aware that by doing so I run the risk of alienating myself from my
fellow Londoners and have everyone hating me but I’m going to have to do it
anyway, let’s hope I cover all angles and people understand my perspective.
The
first thing that struck me was the sheer pace of life. I was unlucky in that
after arriving at Gatwick airport and travelling into town to transfer on to a
train heading into south east London I unwittingly fell into delays. Another
mainline station had to close briefly and so a build up of cancellations had
preceded me. As I took my first steps onto the platform it was impossibly busy,
‘Was it really always like this?’ I asked myself, both believing and resisting
at the same time that I had until recently done this on a daily basis. Once I was
made aware what had happened it reassured me slightly but I was still in shock
at the furious pace that I had become so unused to.
 |
| First day back and some familiar sights made me feel at home |
Once
I had made my connection I was hit with wave after wave of sneezes and coughs
as I passed through the carriage searching for a seat. The cold weather was
shock enough but the memory of such typical illnesses being so commonplace soon
surfaced. I was actually surprised I hadn’t thought of it sooner. I noticed
every polite hand-covered-clearing-of-the-throat and then couldn’t help but
follow where people’s hands went after they had adjusted whatever part of their
anatomy was irritating them. Suffice to say just a matter of days later I was
sneezing, blowing my nose and feeling sorry for myself too. Maybe it’s for the
best that I got a cold straightaway, getting it out of the way before xmas day.
As I looked at the sleepy tired faces, some stressed and some perhaps a little
tipsy, I was brought into a routine that seemed as if it had never gone away. A
year may have passed but I immediately fell into the pattern of pushing the
train journey and the people I was surrounded by out of my mind and allowed the
slow rocking of the carriage to put me into a stupor while I watched the city
pass me by. Instead of being fascinated, as I thought I would be, to see all
the London landmarks again, to remind myself of all the buildings I had not
seen for so long. I went quite vacant and instead daydreamed until the train
pulled into my station.
Going
back to that pace of life comment, I noticed how I suddenly became quite flinch
prone. I’m bad enough on a good day but after such a long time in a small town
it was overwhelming having so many people around me. A constant stream of
people going back and forth back and forth, dashing into that shop front,
running for that bus, swerving the lady with the double seat pram, jumping into
double parked cars, and every other kind of athletic activity possible from a
pavement. I would practically jump when someone brushed past me. Not that I’ve
lived in isolation this year, there were the odd busy days here and there,
festivals and the like, and the peak of the summer holiday explosion in August
was crazy but in terms of just walking down the road to buy a coffee…it felt
quite arduous. Then there is the noise! Now, any friend of mine would tell you
I am of a jumpy disposition anyway, I don’t know why but I’ve always been that
way and certain friends take delight in opening a packet of crisps with an
explosive clap and making me reach for the ceiling, but it went to another
level all together this week. Let me explain. I have had no neighbours for
months. There were no shops, bars or public services anywhere near my
apartment. There were the occasional passing cars, sure, but we are talking one
an hour maybe, if averaged over the course of day. Then suddenly I am on a busy
High Street and I can’t side step for people and noise. I was actually laughing
at myself for being so crazily nervous. I’ve lived in London my entire life and
here I was being scared by the unexpected beeping of the green man telling me
it was safe to cross the road…
Just
a few more things that surprised me: how I forgot about the prevalence of
mobile phones. Not in terms of people having them. I didn’t travel to a remote ancient
rainforest tribe. More, how they were in constant use. Every single journey I
have had by whatever transport means, I have been forced to listen to
stranger’s conversations. Not news to anyone, I just forgot about it. Other
things; I forgot how the basics cost so much. How expensive a sandwich or
coffee is, how expensive it is to travel on public transport, and so on. I
forgot about lots of little things that to be honest, weren’t the nicest things
to be reminded of. Then, before you all attack my non-patriotism, I was
reminded of things that really lifted my heart, the faces of the shopkeepers I
have known for so long saying hello as I passed, the decorations up on the
street lights and shop windows, the parks and green spaces local to me, the way
people joked about me having no tan…for every moment of pressure there was a
moment of relief, every time I felt the swell of stress at being a tiny
unimportant ant in a giant swarming swirling uncaring colony there was the
pleasure of friendship in my own miniature community.
My mind at times did feel like this
The
point is I guess, nothing has changed, everything is exactly the same and I
always knew it would be. I expected that. After all, it is only a year away,
what normally happens in a year? It is the things that you easily forget or
become blind to when faced every day. I am not sure what I thought would happen
when I got back but once the initial panic died down, London is the same crazy
place it always was and will be.
A
quick aside; I gave you the link to my Flickr account in my last blog because I
had put all my Spain photographs up. I selected just a few of them to add to my
Instagram account which I put on hold during 2014 but is now live again and
I’ve added some images from home during my walkabouts the last few days so
please feel free to follow there if you like (I've embedded a few examples below):
So
yes, I can admit. I had an immediate wobble at being back. I could even say I
was scared. My senses were overwhelmed and I became a bit panic stricken. Yet,
I was also immensely proud at seeing London again. For everything that I miss
about Spain there is something in the undercurrents of the London air I am
happy to feel again. Certainly it is undeniable there are aspects of life I
forgot could be so tough, yet also so much to be amazed at. It of course must
link to my deeper rooted hopes and fears for the future. Now I am back there
are no more excuses. I am not on holiday anymore (Please, shed no tears for
me…) I am not taking a break anymore. I am not thinking things through anymore.
I am home and I need to get on with it; that is both terrifying and hugely
exciting. 2015 starts now!
My brain maybe needs a couple more days to slow down
Let
me give you one direct example of the conflict of emotions. I travelled into
central London to meet some friends this week. It was just before the main peak
of rush hour, around 5pm-ish. As I turned right to check for available seats on
the train there was a man with his feet up on the seats opposite him, drinking
a can of lager and swearing loudly on his mobile phone – there had obviously
been an issue with a colleague during the day and he was letting his feelings
be known – he wasn’t being overtly aggressive or being loud for effect. He was
simply talking to his friend and oblivious to the range of people around him,
which included children within earshot (a common big city problem, lack of
consideration for others). On the way back there was a man eating McDonalds so
loudly it was almost like he was having an internal backlash against years of
his mother telling him to eat with his mouth closed. There was an argument down
the carriage somewhere at one point that I’m sure the entire train could hear.
As I got a bus during the night I watched with a chuckle as a policeman signaled
to a cyclist to stop, just before a set of traffic lights, and the cyclist
calmly raised his left arm and offered him a single fingered salute as he
sailed nonchalantly past through the red light. I remember seeing the crush of
people coming out of an underground exit, every man, woman and child for
themselves as if there was a prize for escaping first and bonus payments for any
injuries caused to strangers during the process. There was the common sight of
people throwing rubbish to the ground and cars not slowing down for people to
cross at junctions. It just seems so hopeless to get upset by it all. I haven’t
thought like that before. These things used to really upset me. I think that is
what this year has given me. The ability to breath at all times. I would have
allowed myself to churn away inside at those goings on before, but I just have
to accept this is a busy city and these sot of things happen every single day.
It is pointless to be upset by it. Those people amount to less than one percent
of who you may see, and the rest of the ninety nine are perfectly nice well behaved
positive members of society going about their business, but it is easy to
forget that. If you look for the nice things you will see them. I told myself
this as I went for a walk to visit some of the local parts of my home town I
had missed. It really is a beautiful place and that is what I am going to allow
my eyes to see from now on. I can focus on the negative sure, but that got me
nowhere before and it will get me nowhere again. I have to keep telling myself this
as the weeks go by as I am determined not to let the negative grind me down
again.
The thing
is, this could have been anywhere (probably). Whatever country, city or town
you live in, you will have your frustrations and joys. We all have our issues
with society and individuals, which is why I am determined to look as positivity
at life as I can. We all know the grass is always greener yet we forget how
damn awful it can be as well. It is a constant source of guilt to forget how
lucky those of us are who live in a developed liberal and tolerant society that
has the basics covered. The old adage of taking something for granted is almost
taken for granted. When things get tough as they will do soon when I really
have no more money and I’m writing away wondering if I made the right decision
I must remember the positive, the lessons I learnt from my year away and keep
the ambition burning inside me. The things that may have got me riled up
before, anxious, upset, angry…will be dismissed from my mind. I have to think
that way. 2015 will be a new start for me but I am not kidding myself it will
be easy.
Social Media
I
can’t wait for 2015 to be the start of my renewed attempt at harnessing the
power of social media. I have now got my data plan sorted for my phone so I can
use its 4G capabilities without fear of bankruptcy inducing bills. I want to
share with you the research undertaken for both my writing and some literary
related projects, as it is not just the final product that is of importance to
me, it is the method by which I get there. Hopefully, this will be of interest
to people and be fun to do. I have downloaded new apps and tried new features
that I am looking forward to making use of. I have new projects to start and
new blogging tools to share them with. I have a schedule of work that I know I have
a high chance of failing at pretty damn quickly but will endeavor to keep to
anyway. I have my friends to hand to discuss ideas with and try out new things.
So, it feels great to be back in that sense, I feel the pull of a year of hard
work ahead of me…
What’s in store?
Finally
the important bit! The most important thing in my life is my writing. That has
to be the number one priority and I have a hell of a lot to do. I have worked
slowly (remember the sun and sea, come on!) on my writing during the year, but
nevertheless I am fairly pleased with the amount I have produced. It could have
been a lot more but I’m not feeling too guilty about that. So moving on I need
to redraft and get feedback on around five short story ebooks, two of which are
collections of three very short stories each. I have made the smallest of
inroads on my novel but it is there ready to go. The plan is to work on the
novel and release a short story a month. The novel will take 2015 to draft at
the minimum (there’s unfounded confidence for you). I will be sharing the
progress with you in different ways. I plan to use multiple platforms to blog
their development and I will tell you about those soon. I am excited to share
with you the new works my fellow Thinking Plainly writers Rufus Garlic and
Alfred Duff are working on. I have lots of photography and film projects coming
up, utlising my YouTube channel and other new platforms. In short, I have a
busy diary and I just hope I can stick to the schedule I have set myself, keep
focused and work hard to produce the content I want. I will let you know about
all of these in upcoming blog posts and all of the social media sites I am on.
There is a list below my name, please follow/connect where you are able.
So
for my last blog post of 2015 I want to thank you for listening. I know I sway
between the irrelevant-personal and the inexperienced-professional far too irregularly
but do stick with me. I’ll get there in the end. Have a fantastic Christmas and
New Year, celebrate with those who love you and who you love, remember those
who we no longer have in our lives and most importantly remember to love
yourself and be the best person you can be.
See
you in 2015.
Take
care,
RGR
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***
